There is a club out there that both women and men are part of…a club that once you are a member you wish you weren’t….a club who’s members have experienced a miscarriage. Growing up you are always taught how not to have a baby. No one ever tells you that once you are grown up and ready, that it could be either difficult to actually conceive, or that 20% or more of all women have a miscarriage. It’s amazing that once you are in the club how many people reveal themselves. If for one second you think you are alone, there is another woman out there who is willing to offer her support and tell you her story. And it is amazing at the comfort that it brings. Some feel that it’s something to keep to yourself. That it’s private…but I don’t necessarily feel that way. I feel that if I can share our story and make just one woman not feel alone..then I have helped. And writing this can also help to heal me.
My husband and I found out that we were pregnant on June 5th 2009. It was such a wonderful day. We were shocked and surprised and very happy. We decided that we wanted to tell our parents in person so we decided to wait the 2 weeks till my parents were in town for a visit. It was so great having that secret between the two of us. I was ready to burst at the seams! We decided to have both sets of parents over for dinner. I would cook and before dinner we would spill the beans. I bought grandma and grandpa frames and in them put a picture of the three digital tests I took to confirm the pregnancy. It was such a wonderful night. They were so happy and excited. This would be their first grandchild.
When I first found out I was pregnant my doctor said he wouldn’t see me till I was 7 or 8 weeks. I was so excited that I didn’t want to wait that long. They agreed to see me at what I thought would be 6 weeks 4 days. Looking back I wish they hadn’t agreed to that. My husband and I went to our first appointment the following week. We were so excited because based on my calculations we should hear a heartbeat and see the little sucker. The doctor started the sonogram and I could tell in an instant the news wasn’t good. He said he only saw the sack with nothing in it, and that he wasn’t optimistic. He said it was either I was WAY early in my calculations, or the fetus was not developing. We were heartbroken, but tried to hope that it was the first of the two scenarios. It certainly wasn’t what we expected. We kept telling ourselves that the doctor was just covering his butt and had to be pessimistic. He told us to come back in a week so we could get more of a definitive answer. Due to my low levels of progesterone they put me on progesterone suppositories. He wasn’t optimistic about them being any help either, but I knew in my heart that I needed to do everything in my power to try to keep this a healthy pregnancy.
Over the next week the only symptoms I really had were exhaustion and a constant need for water. 75% of women get morning sickness and I did not have that. Although pe0ple told me not everyone gets sick, I was a little weary. I remained positive though and really tried to think that the symptoms I did have were good ones, and a sign that things were progressing. We went to our second sonogram about a week later. Right away the doctor told us I had what was called a Blighted Ovum or empty sack. As you can imagine it was awful to hear. The doctor must’ve felt sorry for us because he told me my bladder was really full and I should go to the bathroom and come back. He said maybe it would help him see something better. So I did. When I returned we saw what could’ve been a little spot of something growing. He said it’s better to be safe than sorry, and that I should come back again in a week. Yes, we were left to wait again. This time we got our hopes up a bit because my exhaustion continued. At this point we already spilled the beans to many of our friends and family and over the 4th of July got tons of congratulations. My response was always “well it’s still early”. I guess part of me still wasn’t positive our spot was in there.
Well fastforward to this past Tuesday night and we were told there was a 0% chance that my pregnancy was progressing. I definitely had a blighted Ovum, and I would miscarry. We were devastated! So far it’s been about 3 weeks since our first appointment and we had so much anticipation and it all ended with this bad news. The doctor reminded us that we already did the hard part and got pregnant. That was a huge plus. He emphasised that we WOULD have a baby. Just not this baby. I personally think that part of me knew that this would be the outcome. I think the fact that we had no good news other than that first positive pregnancy test lessened the blow. The good news is that my husband and I have eachother, and great family and friends and we will get through this hard time.
So what did I learn? What can I tell others? First things first…do not go to the doctors until you are 8 weeks along. Don’t rush it. Nature will take it’s course no matter what you do. Going early will give you no comfort. It will just leave you waiting. If you wait the 8 weeks you will go along thinking everything is fine. I honestly believe that has to be a better feeling than the uncertainty we went through. Another thing I learned is I was happy that we told our family and friends. Some choose to wait the 3 months so that if something happens no one knows…but I don’t feel that way. I like to talk things out and the love and support of others is so helpful. I have truly utilized the women who post on LI families. So many have gone through similar experiences and talking to them and having them offer their support is so helpful. It is amazing how supportive even strangers can be.
I have chosen to write this post because I wanted to be honest. This blog is like a journal for me, and it helps when I write things down. I will be a mom someday and my husband will make the most wonderful father. I am a true believer in everything happens for a reason…and I believe that God has a plan for us. So far I am not exactly sure what that plan is, but what I do know is that I am lucky for my husband, my dog, my family and my friends. Although this is a hard time in our life there is so much for us to be thankful for, and I am going to focus on that.